An angry and bitter opposite-sex parent regularly reminded me that if I experienced early success as a child, I would be abandoned and/or scorned by the one-parent society and culture that told me I should love unconditionally.

Why should I spend any time or attention on anyone (mother or not) who wishes and actively seeks to infantilize me?

I have found some law of attraction techniques that have worked and I’m trying things. Every time something works I get frightened. My core belief seems to be something like “If you won the lottery you’d die” or “If you reached the top you’d have nothing more to learn and it’s game over” or “If you had a lot of money you’d become complacent and damage the environment more”. What the fluff?

The best way to try and achieve is to not think about how terrified you are to continue. I know it could be hard, but don’t think about how it could turn out and just go. Don’t worry about the turn on your ego. Just wake up every morning and think ‘I am a good person’ and have a good attitude. Bad days will happen, that is just life. Remember to not be afraid of things you can’t control and go as far as you can in life. Remember you are good.

Eric, I also can see where you are coming from.

I heard a piece of music where the composer says in a very quitting voice as the end is approaching:

“My shadow follows me”

Ever since then, I tend to to speak about (to myself, that is) my fears/phobias as being ‘my shadows’. A shadow is a real thing yet we cannot ‘catch it’ and ‘contain it’. I am challenging myself to become more comfortable with those changing shadows of (in this case; fear of being successful).

I feel that it is necessary for me to do this since it seems to me that there really isn’t such a thing or a state of success/being successful. My reasoning behind this thought is that once a person achieves what they refer to as success they no sooner feel uncontent and as such go about working on another (whatever action) to obtain ‘more success’. Well, if they already had ‘success’ why do they need to go after it again and again and again?

I was adopted, and in that situation being ‘chosen’ was the systems evidence of a ‘successful’ case. To me, as the child, there was nothing successful about it: despite the fact that the adoptive parents were relatively well off and they were well respected in their community nonetheless they where alcoholics.

I never ever wanted to hear the words, ‘that (whatever the action) was successful’.

What others thought to be ‘success’ to me it was an extension of my terror of ever being referred to as the adoptive parent’s child. I did not want to be like them even though they were deemed to be successful. To me, ‘success’ equates itself to the feelings of shame, to images of ugly wantonness, and an ever on-going struggle to get somewhere which I just never could see where it was.

My Shadow Follows Me

I think you over reacted. As far as ghosts, I read it as phantoms, figments of the imagination that appear real. Not real dead people. I got a lot out of the article, and the ghost response.
Hopefully I will conquer my ghosts.

This exactly how i feel. I tend to google “why do I procrastinate so much” once a month or so. Then I go on these sprees where I start writing down my goals, getting in contact with potential clients, exercise, eat right, pray, up early, stop smoking etc. Then I just stop. I go back to smoking, being lazy, half doing jobs, no follow ups, basically just all the bad things. It’s so weird.

I know I can be successful, I am very capable, not to be pompous I’m just saying. Why can’t I accept that I’m great and I deserve the wealth that is out there for me. I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable….

Thank you for sharing.

The article really helped me on my report! i cant believe people would do those things i fear death and other stuff.